“Kindness is tenderness. Kindness is love, but perhaps greater than love. Kindness is good will. Kindness says, I want you to be happy.”
Flexibility and Kindness
What are the two most important qualities in a marriage? There are so many answers to this question, but the one I find the best seems to be the most simple (and often one of the most challenging – that’s usually how it goes, isn’t it?).
According to the Relate Insititute: “In research with couples the higher levels of kindness and flexibility, the higher the levels of effective communication and positive conflict resolution. Perceptions of partner’s kindness and flexibility are particularly important for predicting couples’ relationship quality.” page 3
In other words when treat each other kindly and are willing to bend a little, this way and that way, we communicate better and deal with conflict better. When we communicate better and deal with conflict positively it opens doors to deeper, happier and more meaningful relationships.
That doesn’t sound too bad to me.
Don’t be a dream-crusher
I remember listening to a talk on cd once (I can’t remember the speaker or the name of the talk – only that the name “Lund” sounds familar). Just know this isn’t mine 
But he said something I will never forget: “Wives, don’t be a dream-crusher. The world crushes enough dreams. Don’t let those crushed dreams come from you.”
It is apart of my nature to think realistically, plan for what we can obtain, reach for that and try not to to want too much. But sometimes I need to change that. I love the idea of being a strong supporter of my husband and his dreams, to be his #1 cheerleader. I don’t understand my husband’s dreams sometimes. They just don’t make sense to me, but I am trying my best to support him to achieve them. He is happier because of it and so am I.
image found here
Achieving the goal
My husband and I just achieved a hard earned goal. I’m going to share it with you right now:
See that? That is my credit card account with a 0.00 balance! His shows the same thing! We are out of debt. Such a wonderful feeling.
And you know what else is wonderful? The process of setting and achieving a goal with my husband. Communication opened between us. As we talked a lot about the getting out of debt it lead to discussions of what to do with our money when we get to keep it, we talked about our dreams and more things that we want to accomplish together.
Getting out of debt not only helped us out finanically, but it’s helped us to unite and come together, to be a team and develop more companionship. And that is a great feeling.
Love is a verb that can’t stand up on it’s own
One thing I noticed in reading the Family Proclamation was that love was mentioned five times and never on it’s own, it is always coupled with another word to complete it. It made me realize that while the greatest thing in the world is love and while we all want to be loved, love doesn’t exist in isolation. There must be another element combined with it to allow it to be sustained, to grow, to bloom into something even more beautiful.
In the Proclamation love is combined with: care, righteousness, serve, forgiveness, respect, compassion, work, etc . . .
Love is beautiful and love is more beautiful when we act.
What are some other things love needs to last?
image found here
For the next little while I want to focus on how we treat one another in marriage and families.
All facets of life are enriched
“All facets of life are enriched when we choose the natural family as the fundamental unit of society. Our social life is richer – we experience broad diversity within the context of stable familiarity. Our cultural life is richer – we are better able to take advantage of generational experiences and lessons of tradition. Our political life is richer – strong, autonomous families maximize the best functions of democracy. Our economic life is richer – we work with lasting purpose, cooperatively and altruistically, for others and not just for ourselves. And our spiritual life is richer – we are motivated to become our better selves as we give birth and nurturing to the rising generations.
The natural family is the key to the fullness of life. It does what no other organizing principle can do — it makes everything around it better, it amplifies the best elements of all other institutions. It is the foundation of ordered liberty.”
Fundemental Unit of Society
The first thing to understand is why is family a fundamental unit of society? Why is the family essential?
To start off I came across a very enlightening article the other day in Time Magazine in this issue. The title of the article is “Is There Hope for the American Marriage”?
It talks about why marriage is so important here are just a few of the things is said:
“There is no other single force causing as much measurable hardship and human misery in this country as the collapse of marriage. It hurts children, it reduces mothers’ financial security, and it has landed with particular devastation on those who can bear it least: the nation’s underclass.”
When marriage fails everyone suffers. Parents, children and society all suffer.
Thus brings a national push for marriage – Barak Obama has been quoted to say: ” We need fathers to step up, to realize that their job does not end at conception.”
The article goes on to say that the reason the nation is appealing for lasting unions is because “on every single significant outcome related to short-term well-being and long-term success, children from intact, two-parent families outperform those from single-parent households. Longevity, drug abuse, school performance and dropout rates, teen pregnancy, criminal behavior and incarceration — if you can measure it, a sociologist has; and in all cases, the kids living with both parents drastically outperform the others.”
The author of this article clearly shows that the evidence is overwhelming. When a society begins to suffer the most important significant thing it can do to improve the the society is to improve families. Families are indeed the fundamental unit of society.
The Family: A Proclamation to the World
This is a beautiful thing. Below is a proclamation on the family the faith I believe in released in October of 1995. It contains some of the most honest and real teachings of family and marriage. I will often refer to it. It is lengthy, but a good read (I even had it memorized once – should try it again sometime).
Let me know what strikes you most about it.
“We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.
“All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.
“In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize his or her divine destiny as an heir of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.
“The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.
“We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.
“Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. ‘Children are an heritage of the Lord’ (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.
“The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.
“We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.
“We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society”
This proclamation was given at the General Relief Society Conference in Oct 1995 by President Gordon B. Hinckly.
If you would like a pdf of this proclamation go here.
About
I am a firm believer in marriage. It’s a beautiful thing. It’s one that, if cultivated, can enrich bless, enhance life: man, woman or child.
Here in this blog I want to write/share some of the wonderful things that a happy marriage and family can bring to our lives.
You will find research, personal insights, articles and thoughts and ideas from professionals (secular and religious) who also support marriage and recognize it for the beauty that it brings to us.
If you have any questions, ask!
All the best,
Svedi-pie
svedipie
shaynajo1984
